SOOOOO--YOU THINK ENGLISH IS EASY ?
CHECK THIS OUT ! ! !
1) The bandage was wound
around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to
refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert
in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present
A bass was painted on the head
of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into
the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does
are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed
a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most
intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple. English muffins weren't invented
in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,
which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English
for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers
don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers
don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why
isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can
make amends but not one amend? If you have
a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all
but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I
think all the English speakers should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally
insane. In what language do people recite at
a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck
and send cargo by ship? Have noses that
run and feet that smell?
Why do we park on a driveway, but drive
on a parkway?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance
be the same, while a wise man and a wise
guy are opposites? You have to marvel
at the unique lunacy of a language in which
your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out
and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people,
not computers, and it reflects the creativity
of the human race, which, of course, is not
a
race at all That is why, when the stars
are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick',
and why doesn't 'dough' rhyme with 'tough'?
You lovers of the English language
might enjoy this .
There is a two-letter word that perhaps
has more meanings than any other
two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward
the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in
the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why
does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP
and why are the officers UP for election and
why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to
brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver,
we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car .
At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP
an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed
is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened
UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store
in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP ,
look the word UP in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th
of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list
of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot
of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may
wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP ..
When it rains, it wets the earth
and often messes things UP .
When it doesn't rain for awhile,
things dry UP
One could go on and on,
but I'll wrap it UP ,
for now my time is UP ,
so............ it is time to shut UP ...!
Oh . . . one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning
& the last thing you do at night?
U-P
Oh,well...so much for pu!
